These four walls are what define my “immediate surrounding”. My entire existence summed by this little box of concrete and paint that no one huffs. They try and touch my skin, approaching closer every day – one inch at a time. The suspense reaches its climax when I close my eyes and just wait, wait for my heartbeat to increase, wait for my deep breaths to turn into small, insufficient packets.
They’ve seen and heard everything that is there to my being, if only they could talk, if only I knew the reason as to why I’m being suffocated, a death without reason isn’t what I had hoped for. If only the words that these walls had heard were requited in other, newer forms.
And as I had hoped, from the the back of my neck, I heard a murmur, “I am what made you. I am what led you to the point where you stand now. Without me, you wouldn’t be what you are. I am constantly pulling your strings, late at nights when you can’t sleep, I’m the face of the best friend you don’t talk to anymore, I am the face of the girl who had loved you once. I am the moments that you have played time and again in your head. You have tried to run away from me, I’m still able to stay ahead of you, I’ll give you regrets to ponder upon.”
As the whisper resided, I could sense these walls staring at me, I heard the same voice laughing and coughing like a 70 year old smoker. The words that I had just heard had stopped, but, it wasn’t long before I heard another voice.
“I am what you’re looking to be. I am also what they want you to be. I don’t have the faces with me that you thought you would carry with yourself. You don’t have the same allure you had before, you’re just another mind lost in the sewers now. You’re just another soul that was devoured by the inconsistency in your life, and I prove that.”
The laughter returned again, this time I heard not one, but two voices, this one was as ugly and horrifying as the former. Was this my paranoia or were the walls really talking to me? I tried to rest my head and sleep it off. I was probably hallucinating. This was not happening.
Lying down, I sensed something reaching out to me. A hand that was not moving, it was still. I stirred back up, pushing my blanket out of the way. I noticed that the clock wasn’t moving, it was stuck in the present. Fixed like the eyes of the guy on the prettiest girl in the room. “I am what you are, in actuality. Just a congregation of flesh, bones and unintelligible thoughts. I am what controls you, your actions are mine to deem incorrect. I will hurl stones at you and smack your consciousness with bricks of what’s wrong, just to test your spirit. You’ll think of me as your friend, you’ll laze around, waste your time, and then suddenly, I’ll bid you farewell. There isn’t much difference in the first voice and me, I’m never settling. And the second voice and me? We work hand-in-hand.”
Now, that I had heard three voices speaking to me. I was waiting for the fourth wall to speak and then all of them combining to smother me. Time passed, an hour passed like a minute, the drops on my forehead turned colder by the second. “Why aren’t you talking?”, I screamed this sentence, the pitch increasing with every word.
And then, the three voices in perfect harmony, as if they had practiced it all before, said, “That’s your haven.”